The sun beating down on the tarmac, the smell of high-octane fuel in the air, and the sound of Formula 1 cars lining up on the grid. It’s the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix, and if you slept through the race but just tuned in hoping for some semblance of the word “competition”, then you might as well stop reading now. Max and Checho, 1-2 finish.

Sergio Perez, despite being slapped with a five-second penalty for nearly sending Fernando Alonso into next week with an unsafe release, managed to keep his cool and the Ferrari of Charles Leclerc at bay. As for the rest, well, it was business as usual – with a few dashes of drama sprinkled in for good measure.

As the lights went out, Verstappen bolted ahead like a greyhound after the mechanical hare, while Leclerc and Perez played a game of “who can be the most gentlemanly” around Turn 3. Meanwhile, newcomer Oliver Bearman managed not to bin it on his first start – bravo, lad! – and Alpine’s Pierre Gasly decided to bow out early, citing “gearbox problems”. Or maybe he just wanted an early shower.

In a turn of events that shocked absolutely no one, Verstappen ditched everyone else by Lap 4, proving once again that his car is about as fair a competitor as a cheetah in a chicken run. The drama meter barely ticked up when Lance Stroll decided to redecorate Turn 22 with his Aston Martin, sparking a Safety Car and a flurry of pit stops.

Lando Norris, filled with the optimism of youth, tried to lead the pack, unaware that Verstappen was just biding his time. And talk about getting in a flap – Alex Albon and Kevin Magnussen played bumper cars, proving that no matter how sophisticated these machines get, the drivers can still turn a grand prix into a demolition derby.

At the heart of the race, Verstappen, ever the predator, quickly reassumed the lead, leaving dust and dashed hopes in his wake. His teammate, Perez, decided to join him at the front after settling his tab with the stewards. The duo cruised to yet another 1-2 finish, leaving us all wondering if Red Bull has some sort of magic formula or if the rest of the pack is just racing in slow motion.

As for the rest of the field? Well, they did their best, bless them. Charles Leclerc snatched the fastest lap bonus point as if it were a consolation prize, while the rest of the drivers did their darnedest to entertain, providing us with a few overtakes, a handful of spins, and the occasional bit of wall art.

In the end, the 2024 Saudi Arabian Grand Prix was as predictable as a British summer rain – Max Verstappen on top, Red Bull securing a 1-2 finish, and the rest left to ponder what could have been. But don’t fret, dear reader, for there’s always the next race where perhaps, just perhaps, someone else might finish first. Or maybe pigs will fly.

Photo: By Jen Ross - IMG_6793, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=123867496