David Croft is plain vanilla. He rarely gets upset, often hedges, and is quick to offer an alternate, bedtime-story-esque explanation for some of his co-commentators’ takes (cough, cough, Martin Brundle, cough). I think he practically shat himself when Martin referred to Zhou Guanyu as the “Chinaman” in the 2023 Spanish GP.
Angry at who?
Yet, during the race in Austria, Crofty was clearly angry. Experiencing Crofty’s anger is like listening to a French girl telling you she has terrible hemorrhoids. Regardless of the subject matter, said in French, it sounds sexy. Before you accuse me of calling Crofty sexy or French, I was pointing out that even when he’s angry, Crofty isn’t angry. By my count, he blew up 3 times during the race, and if you weren’t well-versed in Crofty-speak, you could have missed it. But what on earth was Crofty enraged by? It was the F1 TV Director.
In 5 short years, since the infamous 2021 Monaco GP cut away to Lance Stroll, Crofty has gone from bewildered to resigned. It seems prudent to document and hold these moments dear for posterity. Thus, the events below are dutifully scored for better understanding.
Lap 9 - Verstappen chasing Hamilton
It’s lap 9, about 10m27s into the race, and Verstappen is chasing down Hamilton. Crofty wanted to get a good look at how Hamilton is harvesting and deploying energy, and the camera cuts away.
“We wanted to see when Hamilton had his lights flashing and was charging and whether the Red Bull could deploy and wasn’t charging,” he says after the cut and then, “What a pity we cut away there because that would have given us a really, really good indication.”
Lap 16 - Replay of Verstappen battling with Hamilton
Around the 18m30s mark after race start, Crofty is going over a replay showing some of the moves Max made in the race. He’s describing what we are all watching on our screens, and then suddenly, the replay ends just as Max is about to pass Lewis. Karun says, “I’d like to see that turn six again, but we’ll have a look at it, I’m sure.”
Old Crofty then comes back with, “Just you and about 25 million people around the world, but there you go.”
Lap 56 - The man in the hat
The last incident occurs at lap 56, around 1h08m15s since race start, and we’re watching Hadjar chase down Leclerc. “Hadjar’s going for this”, says Crofty. Cut to a shot of the back of some dude wearing a cap that completely obscures the on-track action. Without missing a beat, Crofty delivers a crisp, “Nice view of the back of that man’s head, and he can see what’s happened with Isaac Hadjar and Charles Leclerc coming out of the corner.” By now though, he’s seen enough and is plain unsurprised.
Crofty-Rage-Meter: 0/5 - Crofty’s soul has already left his body.
Closing Thoughts
Watching Crofty crash out is fun. It is precisely because he is almost genetically engineered to be the perfect, even-keeled commentator, that these unscripted moments provide such entertainment value. The Lap 56 event wasn’t even really a crash out. He was trying to understand the absolute clown-show that is Formula 1 broadcasting. The summer break should give him some time to reflect on whether he still wants to ride into the ring at the big top crammed into the back of a mini with 25 other clowns.